I’ve really been struggling lately. More rough days than easy. Sigh.
I get asked, “How are you,” by well meaning people. Friends and strangers alike. That’s not a question I feel comfortable answering. Not one I’m likely to be honest about either. I’ve begun avoiding it. Blow past, change the subject. It’s just easier.
Some days, I just can’t people. Not everyone understands that. Those closest to me do and respect my need for space. They’re also not likely to ask the dreaded question. Some times they force me to be together. #thanksjujubee I do my best – I hope they know that.
Yesterday I was asked repeatedly, “Why are you angry?” Yeah, don’t ask that either. I’m not angry, I’m just me and sometimes that’s hard. Stop assuming it’s you or that you can fix it/me.
There’s a lot going on around here. School. No school. New and old jobs for the kids. Backyard construction. Work. My car needs an oil change. The deadline looming to file a claim for the accident two years ago. A family of hawks living on the roof and shitting on my car. Ants. J slicing through his thumb and the resulting ER visit.
Just too much.
I gave up on my MayYouBe challenge. It was too structured for where I’m at right now. At some point I might pick it up again. In the meantime I AM going to TRY to write more. I need to remind myself that writing releases some of the built up pressure. It also gives a voice to anxiety and maybe, just maybe, that might end up helping someone other than myself.
In the meantime, have patience and know that I’m still trudging along. And if you’re struggling, too, know that you’re not alone.