A few years ago, I happened upon a daily challenge from Project Happiness. I saved a screenshot of the calendar to my phone and later to my computer. I’ve had limited success with daily challenges. Like diets, and resolutions, and well… pretty much everything, good intentions often fall to the wayside of daily life and a limited attention span and my craptastic memory. There’s also my resounding procrastination. I’ll get to that… later. (I may have just misspelled “never”.)
So, why now? Two years after that initial save?
It’s my birthday month – the last of my forties. Pretty soon my age will start with a 5, a half century spent trying to figure out who I am and what mark I want to leave on the Earth. #loftygoals
I’m trying to write more. A month ago, I challenged myself to write daily. Like all the others before it, that challenge lasted days (maybe). That needs to change! Writing helps me think through my chaos much more completely than talking – not that I don’t do a fair share of that, too. I’m hoping that by putting this out there, I will be held accountable, by myself and others.
I’m not sure I’ll make it to Day 31 – no guarantees. If I do, my plan is to scrapbook each prompt. A few years ago, I actually managed to complete the (highly annoying) Month of Gratitude that made the rounds on Facebook. That layout is one of my favorites to go back and visit – a snapshot of what was important to me then (and for the most part, still is).
I even bought the album (wait for it) TWO YEARS AGO. I obviously wasn’t ready to undertake this then, I’m hoping I am now. If not, the prompts will remain on my phone until I am – someday.
Let’s take that first step together…
Day 1 – May You Be Happy
Happy? What does that even mean? I’m really struggling with this one these days.
Holding hands with Aaron (age 18). Rainy days. Stupid puns and “dad jokes”. Doodling. (Why don’t I do that more?)
Little things. It’s always the little things with me.
Amazingly enough, few of the things on either list have changed 15 years later. And FWIW, I still carry around notebooks of grievances. Some things never change.
Some of the things I used to find joy in are just not sparking me – I haven’t scrapbooked in 6 months. I’m behind for the first time since 2010. Partly it’s the chaos of late. Partly it’s the depression. But, I’ve set aside time over the next three months. I’ve even started sorting photos for a crop this weekend. Progress, however slight, is progress.
So, happiness – that elusive goal. There are glimmers of it here and there. It’s not lost forever and neither am I. It’s in here somewhere.
So many things I could have written about over the last month but I just wasn’t feeling it.
There have been adventures…
E and I went down to a cool, private botanic garden in Fallbrook a few weeks ago without the boys. We’ve been trying to spend more time together without them. It’s all about balance and learning how to be a couple again after being 2:5 for so long.
There were goats, lots of rustic crap, and some yummy food.
Side note: this was my first time on the 395 in Fallbrook since the accident and I think I handled it pretty dang well. I don’t think I’ve put last year’s accident behind me but maybe I’m desensitizing a little. Now if I could just stop seizing up every time I see a car roll in a movie.
Last Sunday I asked E if he was in the mood for a sandwich. (AKA easy way to get him to go somewhere that he likely would not have wanted to go in the first place.) My ulterior motive was a scrapbook store that had lost its lease and was having a close out sale. Instead of reminding me that I have enough crap and that I had just been at the expo the day before – all he asked was if it was the store with the comfy chair. Like I said, sandwiches get me pretty far.
Katella Deli for a shared sandwich – after 30 years we’re getting better at sharing one meal rather than bringing home a ton of leftovers. (We’ve officially turned into that old married couple with one meal, two plates, and two glasses of water.) It’s all about compromise and finding something we can both not just tolerate but enjoy. The winner? A combo of pastrami AND corned beef that was taken apart so that we each got exactly what we wanted – his side with yellow mustard and mine with brown and both slathered in coleslaw.
I miss deli SO much! It reminds me of my dad and it is IMPOSSIBLE to find anywhere near us. We both commented on how the sandwiches at Katella seem to be shrinking. I also noticed that the clientele was all our age and older. Although they were packed, like always, I wonder if after we are gone, Katella will be as well. My kids don’t get excited about deli the way we (still) do and I cannot imagine them driving an hour to get a sandwich. I hope I’m wrong.
There was scrapbook… shopping…
I keep sitting down to craft and nothing comes out. Kind of like my writing – over the last few weeks I’ve been dry. I was hoping walking around the expo with Lisa would solve that. All it did was enable me to buy more stuff. When I went to put it away I realized between the expo and the store, I’ve managed to buy a bunch of duplicates. I REALLY need to organize again and get some stuff done. Crop signed up for Thanksgiving weekend so I have the incentive, now I just need the motivation.
I did play with alcohol inks a few weeks ago and made some cool tile coasters that are still sitting in the family room waiting to be sealed. THREE WEEKS LATER!
I probably should get on that. I was so excited about the tiles that I went out and bought 9 more bottles of ink and some more tiles so that we could have a family craft night – ummm yeah… not sure when exactly the planets will align for us all to be home together but it was a nice thought. The newly purchased supplies are also sitting in the family room; a constant reminder that we all lead WAY too busy of lives.
There was also a trip to Sam’s Club the other night to get a ginormous cinnamon roll. Went for the roll, spent over $200 on stuff – mighty expensive pastry. It would have been cheaper to get us all Cinnabons! FYI Cinnabons would have tasted better, too – ours looked NOTHING like the Delish article.
Or caramel apples… I’ve been craving one for at least a month but the one at Myrtle Creek was disappointing and I cannot justify $10 at Rocky Mountain. E saw that they have 13 varieties of apples on sale at Sprouts this week and I suggested that he buy one of each kind and we have an apple taste-off. I even offered to make caramel dip. Nope, not a self-serving suggestion at all. 😉 We’ll see if he comes through when he goes shopping. If so, there WILL be a DIY caramel apple bar in our future!
Aaron tagged along on a trip up to Idyllwild last week. E needed to site supervise the placement of the chapel he designed at Camp Emerson and I went along so he didn’t have to drive up alone. Not sure why Aa came with except that he thought he was getting breakfast which apparently is NOT the same thing as run through the drive through at Mc Donald’s – good to know. After we were done at Emerson, Aa DEMANDED “real food” so we stopped in town. We walked around for a little bit – how have we never walked around Idyllwild despite the hundreds of trips we have made up there???? Happened upon a store that sells HAND-DIPPED ICE CREAM BARS! I search FOREVER for ice cream bars and the one time I find one I am too stuffed from eating TWO breakfasts?!?! Good thing I can guarantee that that will not be my last trip up there so at some point, there WILL be an ice cream bar in my future. Damn you Costco for taking them off the cafe menu! Curses!
There was a bunch of random ass shit, too…
The other night I was getting into bed and Anthony asked me why I was going to sleep in my work clothes. I was wearing Rudolph pajama pants. Either I’m way overdressing for sleep or I need to step up my work clothes from leggings. Probably the latter. Probably not going to happen though. #leggingsarepantstoo
I finally de-Halloweened the front porch. Took that nasty spider web crap off the trees. That shit is worse than tinsel. They’re both like holiday herpes! Aa is already talking about Christmas so I am sure it’s only a matter of days before one of those damn trees is setup in my house.
Speaking of Halloween, we went to Target last week and bought about $20 in candy. When candy is marked down 50% off that’s a shitload of candy. I brought one bag of Reese’s to the office with me because I live with damn locusts. E may have a few bags of Skittles hidden. The GIANT bag on the counter is at least half way down! Locusts I tell you! (In all honesty, it’s mostly Aaron.)
The Mystery Oreos are STILL sitting on the kitchen counter from almost a month ago. We tried them and they were just SO tasty that more than 1/2 the package is still there almost a month later. Since it doesn’t look like anyone is going to eat them, I might need to find something else to do with them – maybe scrape the filling out and use the cookies for a cheesecake crust? Other ideas? Want to know what we thought of them?
That being said, I just saw that they have limited edition Hot Cocoa Oreos out now. Yeah, THOSE will be in my cart, most definitely.
Monday night I finally was able to stand on one leg. WITHOUT FALLING OVER! We’re nearing the end of yoga class so apparently the damn optimists were right and persistence does indeed pay off. Who’d have thought?
Last week, I read Dan Brown’s new book Origin. We saw Thor: Ragnarok. We rewatched the original Kingsman movie in hopes of seeing the sequel which is pretty much not even playing anymore. We still haven’t watched season 2 of Stranger Things – once again trying to find a time when we can all watch it together so that no one is an asshole and spoils it for anyone else. Yeah, not sure when/how THAT will ever happen. It’s been a no go for the new season of Orange is the New Black, too – every time I sit down to watch it some kid starts asking me questions about characters or plot lines or the criminal justice system – sheesh, just watch it from the beginning and stop yammering on so I can hear what they are saying!
One last thing, there may have also been donuts as big as our heads, too.
The last two months of the year are filled with madness. I have an adventure day with the boys scheduled for tomorrow (Veteran’s Day observed). Band is winding down – only 2 more performances to go! 2nd Annual Thanksgiving with the Weiners. Our 18th familversary. Feeding pomegranates to and riding camels – YES REALLY! CHINA!!!! Hanukkah/Festivus/Christmas. E’s last birthday starting with a 4.
Holy shit that’s a lot of stuff – and I’m sure it’s not a complete list! Despite the mayhem and chaos, it will be filled with family, friends, laughter, adventures, and shenanigans. Definitely shenanigans! Because of course they are MY assholes children…
Sparkling Llama 