The other day, Eric and I stood out at the pool deck and secretly watched him teaching. Not only is he good at what he does, he thoroughly enjoys it. And the kids & parents love him, too. THESE are the moments that make the long days in the CA sun worthwhile. Regardless of where life takes him (he’s still figuring that out), I hope he finds joy in his everyday. Remember this, always.
In the last 4 years, he’s learned that adulting is not always easy. There have been some hard lessons – some his fault, some caused by others. That with great power comes great responsibility. That there is no shame in going with Plan B… or C… or even D… That there will be heartbreak and disappointment and sometimes you are the cause and sometimes the effect. That he WILL fall and we will be there to say “get your ass up and move on.” Always.
We’ve learned that parenting an adult is not always a cake walk either. It’s a fine balance of rules, expectations, and limits. Of knowing which Anthony we’re talking to – the one that wants our advice vs the one that needs it. Of giving a boost instead of being a crutch. Parenting books and classes don’t prepare you for this stage.
We’re all still learning that being humble, kind, or just quiet is often the best choice. In the last year of having him back under our roof, there have been angry exchanges and testing of boundaries. But there have been many more amazing moments that remind me how fleeting this time with him is. The moments that make it all worthwhile.
Having him out on my pool deck the last 8 weeks has brought me more joy than I expected. I can prop my door open and hear him. He’s loud… like his mama. I pause on my walks to catch sight of him. We lunch together most days – his only break in his 15 hour day. Our daily commute and 7/11 stop. The way he gushes about the kids in his classes and how excited he gets when they draw him pictures and give him notes. Knowing how hard he’s worked this summer, balancing 2 jobs + school to finish off his degrees & save for a car. “Bye mama, have a good day.” A summer filled with everyday moments of happiness and pride.
He’s always been my mini-me; stubborn, strong-willed, passionate, opinionated, independent, sarcastic, anxious, impulsive, protective… He’s a mama’s boy through-and-through and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Remember THAT, always.
If we’re FB friends you probably know that Aa has jumped with both heels into the world of drag. It wasn’t much of a stretch for my attention seeking performer to combine his loves of dance, costuming, and makeup and take it to the stage/runway. Aaron’s been choreographing his own numbers since he was about 5 including costumes and props, this is just another venue for him to explore.
After a few short months, he has a following, a small entourage, and the other night he was assembling back up dancers. He’s working on becoming InstaFamous. I have no doubt that will happen.
There is nothing about the drag culture that doesn’t appeal to him – it’s literally as over-the-top as you can get. And well… that’s just Aaron.
Being a DQM is not always easy – especially when said mother is battling serious anxiety. 1) Aaron is a slob and I find his shit EVERYWHERE. The bathroom. UGH! 2) I don’t wear makeup or do my hair. I wear jeans or yoga pants and flip flops or Converse EVERY DAY – glamour is not my thing. Never has been. 3) Frankly, I worry about him going out. Every day I read about people being shot or beaten because they are different. I don’t want my son or his friends to end up another statistic. 4) He steals my stuff. ALL of my glitter, rhinestones, sequins, and feathers have disappeared from my office. “Well you weren’t using them.” Yeah, I kind of was. 5) He’s broke and drag is costly. 6) Songs on repeat. 7) There is glitter freaking EVERY WHERE!
But, it’s pretty fabulous, too.
He’s living his authentic self. He’s found an outlet for his creativity. He’s pretty damn good at it. He’s learning to be resourceful – even if that means pilfering my craft supplies.
Last month, I took him to DragCon. WAY outside my comfort zone because SO MANY PEOPLE. But we had a blast. He got to meet his favorite queen, Miz Cracker. He walked the runway. He was repeatedly complimented on his homemade eyelashes – crafted from junk mail. #dragonadime
Monday night, I got to see him perform live on stage for the first time complete with deathdrops and two leaps into the splits. ALL DONE IN HEELS! The talent in that room was a-maz-ing! It was awesome seeing the crowd cheering and oohing and literally in awe of MY KID. The judges commented that the boy can DANCE – he’s going places! He’s got work to do, room to grow, a look to develop, and moves to smooth out.
Me, I’m still trying to come to terms with him coming home with a stack of singles (tips).
I can’t help him with makeup or fashion, or let’s be honest, dance but there is something I DO know a bit about – marketing. The plan is to start building a social following, somewhere he can share his tips & tricks for creating on a budget, promote his appearances, and eventually build a brand.
More than that though, I can just be there.
I scream about the mess, and where did THAT come from when you have NO money, and stop taking my craft supplies, and turn down the music, and FREAKING glitter everywhere, and…
But I also listen to his Drag Race recaps. I TRY not to go down the dark hole of fear and worry every time he goes to the club. I am “mom” to the extras that come through the house that don’t have that kind of support system at their own homes. I go and yell and clap and proudly let people know he’s mine.
Acceptance starts at home.
So what’s on the horizon for the diva dude? College classes in dance, makeup, theatre, fashion design, and costuming. So far, he’s done most of this with zero training – imagine what he can do with some professional guidance? WOW – just WOW!
And for the Queen Mother? More trips to HM’s that’s for sure. The vibe was fun and the Happy Hour menu made for a cheap night out with friends, and well… DEEP FRIED TWINKIES! Yeah, I’ll be back – even if it is a bit late for this old broad. Next time, with all the amazingly supportive people that can’t wait to cheer Luna on.
Now if we could just get the glitter under control. Seriously, it’s FREAKING EVERY WHERE! #craftherpes
So many things I could have written about over the last month but I just wasn’t feeling it.
There have been adventures…
E and I went down to a cool, private botanic garden in Fallbrook a few weeks ago without the boys. We’ve been trying to spend more time together without them. It’s all about balance and learning how to be a couple again after being 2:5 for so long.
There were goats, lots of rustic crap, and some yummy food.
Side note: this was my first time on the 395 in Fallbrook since the accident and I think I handled it pretty dang well. I don’t think I’ve put last year’s accident behind me but maybe I’m desensitizing a little. Now if I could just stop seizing up every time I see a car roll in a movie.
Last Sunday I asked E if he was in the mood for a sandwich. (AKA easy way to get him to go somewhere that he likely would not have wanted to go in the first place.) My ulterior motive was a scrapbook store that had lost its lease and was having a close out sale. Instead of reminding me that I have enough crap and that I had just been at the expo the day before – all he asked was if it was the store with the comfy chair. Like I said, sandwiches get me pretty far.
Katella Deli for a shared sandwich – after 30 years we’re getting better at sharing one meal rather than bringing home a ton of leftovers. (We’ve officially turned into that old married couple with one meal, two plates, and two glasses of water.) It’s all about compromise and finding something we can both not just tolerate but enjoy. The winner? A combo of pastrami AND corned beef that was taken apart so that we each got exactly what we wanted – his side with yellow mustard and mine with brown and both slathered in coleslaw.
I miss deli SO much! It reminds me of my dad and it is IMPOSSIBLE to find anywhere near us. We both commented on how the sandwiches at Katella seem to be shrinking. I also noticed that the clientele was all our age and older. Although they were packed, like always, I wonder if after we are gone, Katella will be as well. My kids don’t get excited about deli the way we (still) do and I cannot imagine them driving an hour to get a sandwich. I hope I’m wrong.
There was scrapbook… shopping…
I keep sitting down to craft and nothing comes out. Kind of like my writing – over the last few weeks I’ve been dry. I was hoping walking around the expo with Lisa would solve that. All it did was enable me to buy more stuff. When I went to put it away I realized between the expo and the store, I’ve managed to buy a bunch of duplicates. I REALLY need to organize again and get some stuff done. Crop signed up for Thanksgiving weekend so I have the incentive, now I just need the motivation.
I did play with alcohol inks a few weeks ago and made some cool tile coasters that are still sitting in the family room waiting to be sealed. THREE WEEKS LATER!
I probably should get on that. I was so excited about the tiles that I went out and bought 9 more bottles of ink and some more tiles so that we could have a family craft night – ummm yeah… not sure when exactly the planets will align for us all to be home together but it was a nice thought. The newly purchased supplies are also sitting in the family room; a constant reminder that we all lead WAY too busy of lives.
There was also a trip to Sam’s Club the other night to get a ginormous cinnamon roll. Went for the roll, spent over $200 on stuff – mighty expensive pastry. It would have been cheaper to get us all Cinnabons! FYI Cinnabons would have tasted better, too – ours looked NOTHING like the Delish article.
Or caramel apples… I’ve been craving one for at least a month but the one at Myrtle Creek was disappointing and I cannot justify $10 at Rocky Mountain. E saw that they have 13 varieties of apples on sale at Sprouts this week and I suggested that he buy one of each kind and we have an apple taste-off. I even offered to make caramel dip. Nope, not a self-serving suggestion at all. 😉 We’ll see if he comes through when he goes shopping. If so, there WILL be a DIY caramel apple bar in our future!
Aaron tagged along on a trip up to Idyllwild last week. E needed to site supervise the placement of the chapel he designed at Camp Emerson and I went along so he didn’t have to drive up alone. Not sure why Aa came with except that he thought he was getting breakfast which apparently is NOT the same thing as run through the drive through at Mc Donald’s – good to know. After we were done at Emerson, Aa DEMANDED “real food” so we stopped in town. We walked around for a little bit – how have we never walked around Idyllwild despite the hundreds of trips we have made up there???? Happened upon a store that sells HAND-DIPPED ICE CREAM BARS! I search FOREVER for ice cream bars and the one time I find one I am too stuffed from eating TWO breakfasts?!?! Good thing I can guarantee that that will not be my last trip up there so at some point, there WILL be an ice cream bar in my future. Damn you Costco for taking them off the cafe menu! Curses!
There was a bunch of random ass shit, too…
The other night I was getting into bed and Anthony asked me why I was going to sleep in my work clothes. I was wearing Rudolph pajama pants. Either I’m way overdressing for sleep or I need to step up my work clothes from leggings. Probably the latter. Probably not going to happen though. #leggingsarepantstoo
I finally de-Halloweened the front porch. Took that nasty spider web crap off the trees. That shit is worse than tinsel. They’re both like holiday herpes! Aa is already talking about Christmas so I am sure it’s only a matter of days before one of those damn trees is setup in my house.
Speaking of Halloween, we went to Target last week and bought about $20 in candy. When candy is marked down 50% off that’s a shitload of candy. I brought one bag of Reese’s to the office with me because I live with damn locusts. E may have a few bags of Skittles hidden. The GIANT bag on the counter is at least half way down! Locusts I tell you! (In all honesty, it’s mostly Aaron.)
The Mystery Oreos are STILL sitting on the kitchen counter from almost a month ago. We tried them and they were just SO tasty that more than 1/2 the package is still there almost a month later. Since it doesn’t look like anyone is going to eat them, I might need to find something else to do with them – maybe scrape the filling out and use the cookies for a cheesecake crust? Other ideas? Want to know what we thought of them?
That being said, I just saw that they have limited edition Hot Cocoa Oreos out now. Yeah, THOSE will be in my cart, most definitely.
Monday night I finally was able to stand on one leg. WITHOUT FALLING OVER! We’re nearing the end of yoga class so apparently the damn optimists were right and persistence does indeed pay off. Who’d have thought?
Last week, I read Dan Brown’s new book Origin. We saw Thor: Ragnarok. We rewatched the original Kingsman movie in hopes of seeing the sequel which is pretty much not even playing anymore. We still haven’t watched season 2 of Stranger Things – once again trying to find a time when we can all watch it together so that no one is an asshole and spoils it for anyone else. Yeah, not sure when/how THAT will ever happen. It’s been a no go for the new season of Orange is the New Black, too – every time I sit down to watch it some kid starts asking me questions about characters or plot lines or the criminal justice system – sheesh, just watch it from the beginning and stop yammering on so I can hear what they are saying!
One last thing, there may have also been donuts as big as our heads, too.
The last two months of the year are filled with madness. I have an adventure day with the boys scheduled for tomorrow (Veteran’s Day observed). Band is winding down – only 2 more performances to go! 2nd Annual Thanksgiving with the Weiners. Our 18th familversary. Feeding pomegranates to and riding camels – YES REALLY! CHINA!!!! Hanukkah/Festivus/Christmas. E’s last birthday starting with a 4.
Holy shit that’s a lot of stuff – and I’m sure it’s not a complete list! Despite the mayhem and chaos, it will be filled with family, friends, laughter, adventures, and shenanigans. Definitely shenanigans! Because of course they are MY assholes children…
We didn’t go to Utah last weekend with the band. Eric wasn’t feeling it. Aaron was being kind of an ass. It was a 12 hour trip to watch an 8-minute performance. Juli said “Fuck no”. It just wasn’t going to happen.
I’m really glad the other moms went.
It was supposed to be a fun trip. Senior year. Perform. Hang out with your friends. Visit Zion NP. There was even a swim/rock climbing party planned! He was REALLY looking forward to it. Couldn’t stop talking about it. What could possibly go wrong?
Aaron. If he’s not the source of the drama – it seems he’s right in the middle of it.
He’s emotional and high spirited and strong-willed and opinionated and he has zero filter. Zero.
And he found the drama – or it found him – and with a few choice words the weekend quickly spiraled in a fiery descent. And two of the band/scout moms were there to keep the embers at bay and get him back to Cali without me having to make (yet another) rescue mission.
It’s never a good day when he calls screaming about so-and-so and what she said or did (or didn’t do that she was supposed to do but didn’t). He didn’t want to hear that mean girls suck or life isn’t fair or suck it up and (try to) avoid the drama or really anything I had to say. I mean how do you talk a kid down when you are 3 states away anyhow?
Angie called that night to say how upset he was. She let him vent. Shannon had the joy of listening to him over lunch on Sunday.
He was still pissed when he got home Sunday afternoon. And he still hadn’t let it go Monday morning and then he reignited. Great. Thankful for the teacher that talked him down and refocused him. Concentrate on what you love, not on petty people that bring you down.
So had we gone would it have been any different? I’ve mulled this over non-stop for the last 48 hours. Kicked myself for not going – not being there to diffuse a volatile situation before it turned into this shitstorm of emotions. This isn’t something new. Every time this happens I live with the mommy guilt. I wasn’t at Forrest Lawn when he demanded to come home early. I wasn’t there during the Pacific Crest tour. And I wasn’t in Utah either.
It probably wouldn’t have made any difference at all. He still would have had his feelings hurt, he still would have had his meltdown, and as a bonus he likely would have DEMANDED to drive home with us instead of living outside his comfort zone and riding the bus with his team. And in classic parenting fail caused by all-consuming guilt, I probably would have let him. I also probably would have lost my temper. Probably not probably.
Deep down I know that I can’t always be there to rescue him from himself. I can only be there to pick up the pieces and hope it will be the last time. It won’t be. It’s Tuesday and he really didn’t want to go to band this morning. But he went anyway. And that’s progress.
This parenting a quasi-adult thing is way harder than we expected; he may be 18 on paper but he’s still just a kid. My kid.
I’m trying to stay out of the problem and instead just keep encouraging him to be strong, be the best Aaron he can be, and stop letting the “mean girls” win. Eric’s fighting that inner battle between jumping in and staying out, too. Neither one of us wants to see him quit (yet again) and at some point, we may not have the choice but to intervene.
As always, I’m uber thankful for the tribe that bands together to help us raise these boys. I’ve lost track of the number of people that have been there for them in times of need, both emotional and physical. It proves that parenting (especially parenting Aaron) is more than a full-time job. It truly takes a village and luckily, sometimes that village travels to provide him comfort on the road, too. You rock. mamas!
Aaron. If he’s not the source of the drama – it seems he’s right in the middle of it.
Sparkling Llama 