Gotcha

Today is Scout’s Gotcha Day anniversary. 3 years of love with my mama dog.

When we went to the shelter on “Clear the Shelter Day” (just to look) we had no idea we’d come home that night with her. I said I wasn’t getting a dog that day. Eric knew better.

The boys wanted a ginormous Dalmatian that A) was known to jump over walls and B) was not a fan of Dobby. That was a hard pass. I wanted a larger dog and, honestly, I was looking to fill the void of Anthony being away at school. I was looking for comfort.

The shelter employee listened to us and said, “Well we have an older dog. She’s been here a while. I don’t think she was taken care of. She’s been bitten by flies. She’s kind of shy. She just needs a loving home. Do you want to meet her?” Yeah, it was love at first sight.

She’s afraid of loud noises, especially fireworks. Like petrified, barrel down a door scared. She’s also not a fan of fly swatters. If we’d let her she’d gladly live in the pantry or a closet – with the door shut behind her. Outside, she prefers to hide under the bushes. Inside, she hangs out in the tiny alcove between Eric’s office and the garage door. If she can, she’ll sneak upstairs and hide in my closet under the hanging clothes or try to get under his desk. The smaller, darker, more secluded the better.

At 13, she’s developed doggy dementia; she randomly barks at the wall. She also doesn’t like when Charlie looks at her. He knows she hates it. He does it anyway. #asshole His favorite game is to watch her while she’s eating. She barks with her snout deep into the bowl sending kibbles flying. It would be funny if it weren’t so damn loud.

She’s really struggling lately. Her legs aren’t working like they used to and she really has to think about standing up. It’s a process. She gets so excited when she sees the leash but a walk means to the end of the driveway, rest, and then back into the house. Gd forbid she actually sneaks upstairs. Getting her back down is an ordeal unto itself.

And OMG THE HAIR! I had no idea a dog could shed so much and ALL YEAR! She’s a lot grayer now. But aren’t we all?

She doesn’t come up and nuzzle like she used to; you have to go to her. But that’s ok. I talk to her and scratch her head every time I go to the bathroom. Maybe that’s why she’s decided to make the alcove her personal spot.

I know my time with her is limited and when the day comes when I have to say goodbye, I will be devastated. I hope we’ve filled her golden years with love & comfort because that’s what she’s given us.

Off to give my Scouter extra cookies and nuzzles & tell her how much she means to me.

May You Be Grateful

OK so, I’m a day behind. #shocker

Yesterday was full – work and kids and drama and stress.  An emotionally and physically draining day.  No break from 7-6 so when I found myself with the house all to myself for an hour I kind of wanted to check out.

Like so often when that happens though I found myself straightening up the house.  OK… really bitching (WHILE cleaning) about being the maid for four people who really should be able to turn off lights, or sweep up dog hair, or put their dishes in the sink, or their trash in the can, or their dirty clothes in the hamper…

I wasn’t feeling especially grateful.  I was just tired and annoyed.

I bitch a lot about things that other people would be grateful for.  First world problems – we all have them.

I’m working on perspective.

Truth is, I have a life that keeps me busy, a house to clean, people & dogs to share it with me, and occasionally a little time to myself to appreciate it.  I need to be more grateful for that.  It would, at the very least, probably make the tasks more tolerable.

Lately, I’ve been working on showing genuine gratitude to those around me.  Sending thank you notes, just because – not for the receipt of something.  Thanking my co-workers for the little (and sometimes big) things they do that make my job easier. Telling my friends how I much appreciate them always being there for me.  Like the house and the clutter, I was finding myself not appreciating the people that surround me.  And that’s a shame.  I’m getting better at thanking others, and recognizing the part they play in my daily life.  (Not perfect, still working on it.)

All too often, I think that what I do at work or at home or in the world is thankless or not even seen.  That leads to resentment which is what got me to this point in the first place.  So, I’m also trying to thank myself more – recognize and appreciate the role I play in all of this.  True gratitude like so many other things, I am learning, comes from within.

Thank you for being here.  Thank you for taking this journey of self discovery with me.  Thank you for listening.

 

maj!

Growing up to the sound of West… Three Crack… Bam… MAJ! The clacking of tiles. The laughter of my mom’s friends.

There was no bothering them on maj night. And no eating their snacks either.

I inherited her mahjong set when she passed. And in the garage it sat. She never taught me how to play. No one I knew played. I figured it was a lost art.

Until Harriet.

Harriet offered to teach us all. So around her kitchen table we clustered one night and all those memories came flooding back.

And the group grew. And we taught Anthony, too. And now years later, we’re still playing.

Anthony, do you want to learn how to play instead of just lurking in the background?

We’re not always good at following the “rules” and we help each other out. We lose track of whose turn it is and the way the walls move. We joke about not calling the Mahjong Police on us.

The change we win goes in a pot for an end of the year dinner out. No winners. No losers.  (Which is a good thing since I rarely win.)

There’s just something magical about this cluster of women. They listen to my venting about the boys – delighting in their triumphs and laughing at their escapades. Four of them have become honorary grandmas, members of our family, participants in our celebrations and holidays.

I don’t always make it to maj night, the job and kid schedules often get in the way but when I walk in announced and unexpected I am greeted with love and welcome. Just like always.

These amazing women who brought back a piece of my mom to me.  And that’s how I win at maj, every time.